Christmas 2014

Christmas is 1 week from today.  How did that even happen?  Have I not been paying attention to the date and the hustle and bustle all around me?  Seriously, our christian music channel has been playing NON-STOP, ROUND THE CLOCK Christmas music since November 1st - that's right, I said NOVEMBER 1st!  I love Christmas music so I am in NO way complaining.  I'm rocking out to George Michael's "Last Christmas" as I type :-)

Presents are great and all but I wish things were simpler like in years past.  I mean past as in even before my time.  The holiday has lost ALL meaning.  It's all about how much money you've spent or are planning to spend, etc.  I want it to be about the reason for the season, as cliched as that sounds.  I want to focus on family and friends and good food.  NOT the newest gadget or gizmo on the market!!  We put SO much pressure on the gift-giving part that everything else takes the back burner.  I haven't asked for a SINGLE thing this year and when someone has asked me, I advert the topic.  I don't want to sound rude but I don't want anything.  I want health, happiness and love for everyone I love.  

I want people suffering to never suffer again.  I want people without families to be welcomed with open arms.  I want there to NEVER be a hungry belly again.  I want every single person to be warm and out of the cold.  Ok, so maybe I do want stuff for Christmas :-)

So, while this Christmas may mean many different things to everyone, it means family and love to me.  I intend to cook/bake to my hearts desire and spend the day surrounded by love.  To me, that sounds like a perfect Christmas.

So, from my family to yours - MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Just a rainyThursday.....

Rainy, thunderstormY day.  It's been like this since last night.  Supposed to be like this tomorrow too.. then it will stop.  I'm not complaining, at all!  After the horrible winter most of us have had, this is a welcome change :-)

I've got spring fever, that's for sure.  I've busted out the capri's once, or twice already.  What can I say?  I'm antsy :)

Ok.. So, I'm LAH-OV-IN' the Elf line of beauty products / brushes, etc.  GO GRAB EM' UP!! That's my : Bes's Beauty Bite  :-)
They are seriously affordable, under $5 each!!  Most of the regular brushes(they are the white ones) are ONLY $1.  The more "high end" line of brushes (they are the black ones) are ONLY $3.  Lip stains and glosses for a buck.  Blushes and shadows for $3.  They have face primer, lid primer & concealer, OH MY :) Check em' out!!!

I have learned SO much in the past 6 months from following my favorite beauty gurus on YouTube.  I fully intend on passing on what I've learned, to you all...

Please remember, my blogs are all over the place, just like I am! I may want to give a beauty tip one day, or a household / personal organizational tip the next. 

Time for dinner beauties and tonight is boneless chicken breasts marinated in garlic with loaded mashed potatoes... YUM!

Ta-Ta for now... MUAH

BE xo

It's Been A While...

Writing isn't coming easy for me this morning.  I've been staring at the computer screen for an hour.  Typing a line... deleting a line.  So, I guess I'll just keep typing and see what happens!

I haven't blogged in over 6 months :-( Nothing drastic or life changing has taken place since my last post.  I did, however, start a YouTube channel :) ... I just haven't posted anything yet.  Be on the lookout for that to change!! 

So what have I been doing since I quit my job? I get asked that a lot!  I was a stay at home wife up until a month ago.  I finally got my foot in the door in my school district! Right now I am a "sub" , which basically means that if someone doesn't come to work they call me to come in and work for them.  The pay is awful, but it's a start.  I don't want to sub forever, so if a permanent position doesn't become available in the next few months, I will be forced to look elsewhere.  Gotta pay the bills, which means I need to work..work..work!

My husband began a new journey as well.  He enrolled in college and began last Monday :) I am so proud of him.  Believe me, I don't deal well with change, so life has been difficult for me. 

I always have a hard time thinking of topics so I've decided that I'm just going to write.  I'm going to write about how hard it is for me to watch my parents age and become dependent.  This honestly, has become my biggest, hardest and scariest challenge to date!! One day I may do a blog telling you about my favorite makeup products and skin care routine (for you beauty buffs) :)

My YouTube channel will basically be the same premise.  I may do some makeup tutorials ; What's in My Bags are ALWAYS fun! ; I will Vlog as well.

I will link everything together though so navigating won't be so daunting.  So I guess this particular blog is my: What's Happening Now... AND... What's Been Going On!  I promise to do better about blogging on a regular basis!!  That's a big goal of mine for 2014, even though the 1st qtr of the year is over.  Hey, we have 3 more to go :-)

OH... and for those of you who may have remembered and are wondering.. YES, I did go to my 20 year high school reunion back in October.  I'm glad I took the advice and went.  It was nice seeing SOME people and the 90's throwback music was pretty awesome :-) 

Ta Ta for now.  XO BE

Did I really just do that?!

After 15 and a 1/2 years, almost to the day, I did something I had wanted to do many times over the last year... I resigned from my job. 

You know what? Best decision I had ever made in my life!! For the first time in years, I wake up anxiety free. That, in itself, tells me that I did the right the thing. 

Don't get me wrong, it's a scary thing to do. I spent from a Thursday evening until 6 a.m. Monday morning running all the scenarios thru my mind. I mean, I was throwing away almost 16 years!! I grew up there essentially. Many of my lifetime milestones happened while working there. 

To be honest, I cried that Thursday evening and I cried that Monday but that's it. No more years have been shed. This is a time for new beginnings. It's a time for me to figure out who I've become and what I want out of life. It's also been a time to reflect. I'm blessed to have had this opportunity to do so. 

If you have to do something 40+ hours a week, shouldn't you at least enjoy it? I miss 2 of my co - workers. We text often and I'm sure they'll be in my life for many years to come. I grateful for their friendships throughout the years :)

Oh... And that moment you KNEW you were right about your boss (of 8 months) being a Bitch... When you say you quit, after almost 16 years of loyalty and service, and the ONLY thing she has to say is - "We need your front door key back". 

;) Good Riddance and Hello new world! 

My Little Slice of Crazy

I can't believe I haven't posted in almost a month and a half. :-(    In my defense (like I need one), I've been pretty busy.  I had a birthday, took a weeks vacation from work, been to numerous doctor appointments with my parents AND my father just came home from the hospital on Saturday. WHEW!!

I know, I know, thats merely life!  I'm not complaining, well, not too much anyway :-)  I'm a great multi-tasker, like most women, there's just not enough hours in the day. 

Like right now for instance.  I'm typing this blog, while updating tickets at work, drinking my coffee, writing my daily to do list with a million things running through my head.  It never ends.  If I weren't busy I wouldn't know what to do with myself.  I don't like a lot of "down time".  I get restless.  Me and "restless" don't go well together! 

In all seriousness, I need a hobby.  Any ideas or suggestions?  I'm not very crafty even though I love it.  I don't have a "lot" of hours to devote to something so I want (need) it to be meaningful.  I don't belong to a church but I've always wanted to sing in a church chior.  I'm talking - Go Big or Go Home kinda church chiors.  Sister Act kinda church chior. :-) Ahhhh

See.... You're getting to know me, little by little.  I hope you like what you read.  I'm not an overly fascinating chic, but I love fierce and I'm full of passion.  I've already said, since the beginning of this journey, that I will be honest (or what's the point) and I will discuss my private life.  I may not go into super private detail, but I'll disclose some personal info, if it better helps you in your understanding of a situation.

I will also answer any questions that YOU may have for me, regarding practically anything.  I'm a pretty open gal <3 although there are certain things that are sacred to me and I won't discuss.  I doubt any of that ever comes into play anyway so it's a moot point.  Ha - I'm full of moot points. :-)

So c'mon - let's chat!  Let's bullshit and let's get down to the nitty gritty!  Hell, we can even do a meet and greet - ask/answer segment once a month or something.  Ideas?

Okay Bitches - I gotta do some work.  Seriously - you can be anonymous - but ASK AWAY!

Game on.......

Til next time....

XO BE

Cheating - 9021OH-OH style

I keep typing a line.  Then I delete the line.  I restart.  I delete.  You get the picture.  There are just so many things I want to talk about and it gets all jumbled!  I am trying to be a nice(ER) person, I really am.  I also know that while I don't know these celebrities personally, I feel like I do.  I read their blogs, their Facebook and Twitter accounts.  I watch their homemade videos on Keek and of course I follow the "news" rags.

Pathetic?  Maybe, but it's what I love.  I want to be Brandi Glanville's BFF! I love her "F*CK OFF" attitude.  Probably because I have one too.  I want you to read and enjoy my blog, but if I offend you - sorry.  It's not intentional - it's just me!  I will NOT alter who I am in my blogs!!  With that being said, if you don't like curse words, etc., you may want to exit and find another blogger :-(

Ok, so I'll begin now.  I detest 2 "celebrities".  I loathe Faye Resnick (I think I've said this before).  I don't want to talk about her right now.  I want to discuss the other woman (aptly titled) , Leann Rimes Cibrian.  I realize she LOVES to sue people so I have to tread somewhat lightly here.  I can state the facts tho! She not only wrecked 1 marriage but 2.  Her interview with Guilanna Rancic made me sick.  Oh woe is me Bitch!  Really??  It wasn't like she didn't know he was married with 2 small boys.  She just didn't care.  She saw something she had to have and she took it - plain and simple.  I understand that it takes two to tango.  I think Eddie Cibrian is a complete dick!  Yes he's hot with those sexy lil dimples but so what?  He's a lying, cheating, housebitch!!  I'll take my chubby, balding hubby over him ANY day of the week!!

I've seen the photos and I read the articles.  Leann does appear to be a tad (once again, treading lightly)obsessed with B (and with good reason)! Brandi will wear and outfit or a bikini and within days Leann is copying the look.  I mean, B's legs go up, Up, UP and Leann's don't.  Leann even copied her hairdo.  Stalker much?? And I just HAVE to say : BONUS MOM MY ASS!!!  While being a step-parent is a rewarding but sometimes difficult job, Leann uses it to hurt Brandi.  She constantly posts pics to her Twitter account, basically taunting B with her own boys!  Subscribe to her Twitter page and you'll see firsthand what I'm talking about.

Brandi's book rocked by the way!  I wonder when Bonus Mom will write a book telling her side of the story - OH, THAT'S RIGHT..... "Spitfire", her new album does that!!  Who needs to write a riveting tell all book when you can yodel your way thru 10 songs??

I am, and always will be, Team Brandi!  I don't have much tolerance for homewreckers. Especially vicicious ones who manipulate.  I've said it before and I'll say it til I take my last breath - Karma IS a Bitch!  Bonus Mom IS getting some karma thrown her way because B's book is a NY Times Bestseller and has been for weeks!!  I don't believe "Spitfire" has even reached the top 10 on iTunes??  Can we say Opening Act/no longer headliner?? Can we say kareoke?  Maybe she can retire at the ripe ole age of 30 to become a vocal coach?!

Anyway - the moral of this bl<3g is that you reap what you sow.  If you don't want your hubby fornicating with the nanny, or with every cocktail waitress in sight, DON'T mess with a married man.  IF THEY CHEAT WWIITTHH YOU..... THEY'LL CHEAT OONN YOU!!  That's just common fucking sense!

Til next time....

Bessalina

 

The EX Factor - The Blindside!

My heart hurts.  Not for me, but for a friend of mine.  This friend isn't in my close circle of friends, but we "chat" frequently (on Facebook) mostly and I've known her for over 20 years.  She's a good girl with a good heart and she got shit on!

I know it's cliche' but it DOES seem that the good ones get screwed, and not always in a good way!  This girl  has 4 beautiful sons and her jackass of a husband for many years decided to leave her the day after Thanksgiving of last year.  Apparently he couldn't keep his dick in his pants over a 49 year old bitch!  I can, and will, call her a bitch because while she wasn't the one my friend was married to, she did know about my friend and their children.  She just didn't care.  She wanted my friends husband and nothing was going to stop her from getting what she wanted.  All the while, my beautiful friend knew NOTHING of this affair.  It had been going on for a while apparently.  She was blindsided.

I bring this topic up to share my story.  I, too, was blindsided.  The only differences in my girlfriends story and my own is, I didn't have any kids, let alone 4 and my EX husband decided to go younger instead of older.  It stings like a bitch no matter how you slice it!

No one truly knows the hurt, anger, disappointment (and all the other adjectives/emotions) one goes thru when they're faced with divorce.  I'm only going to relay MY personal experience and my story.

I was with my ex for a total of 10 years, married almost 5.  We had no kids.  That turned out to be a blessing of sorts.  I would hate to have to deal with him for the rest of my life.  I thought I loved him, but I married him because I was almost 27 years old and all my friends were either already married and having children, or beginning too.  I wanted in on it!  Was I head over heels in love?  No.  I loved the attention he lavished on me and the pedestal he had me on.  Until the ring was on the finger and the vows were read.  Then, the pedestal was removed and I became Bess, wife.  We took each other for granted.  He was almost 8 years younger than me and I should have known the differences between us would ultimately destroy us.  Funny thing is, HE destroyed us, not our differences.  I guess he thought the grass was greener on the other side.  I guess it was in this instance.

Besides our arguing and bickering, like most married couples, I thought things were fine.  I thought WE were fine.  I honestly had no clue that he was THAT unhappy in our marriage.  He never told me and he never gave me any indicators.  True story.  It wasn't that I was blind and just didn't want to see what was before my eyes.  I WAS BLINDSIDED!!!

He left for work one Saturday morning, like normal.  I had a gut feeling something wasn't right.  I couldn't pinpoint it, but I just KNEW something wasn't right.  I took a shower and drove to his job.  I called him from right outside his job (they were closed already for the day) and asked what he was doing, not letting him know I was right outside. I could see his truck from where I was standing!!!  He proceeded to lie to me and tell me that he was putting tires on the truck at that exact moment.  REALLY???? I'm looking right at the damn thing!!  Well, he was holed up in the back office with the chic who worked across the street from him as a clerk at the local Speedway gas station! I tell ya, when he realized he was "caught", he had the whole shocked "OH FUCK" look on his face!  As well as he should have!

Oh, they both swore they were only talking and NOTHING more.  I wasn't born yesterday!  Even if nothing had happened that day, it either already had or they wanted it too.  You could tell.  Needless to say, he moved out that very same night.  July 28 - the EXACT same day he proposed 6 years earlier, is the day our marriage ended.

I grieved over that marriage like a death.  I thought I was a failure.  If only I had done this and not this, etc. etc.  It was over and I had to except it and move on.  After a prescription of Wellbutrin and Clonzepam, I started to feel "normal" again.  Hell, we have to do what we have to do to cope!  I'm not ashamed to admit I needed help!  I don't believe anyone should be!  Mental meds should not be so taboo.  We all need a coping mechanism at times and that was mine.  And it helped! 

Fast forward 5 years later.  My ex husband who once told me "I always wanted kids, just not with you" (IT'S A LINE I WILL NEVER, EVER FORGET) is now a father to twin girls. With a 22 year old girl.  His age difference to her was mine to him.  More power to them!  I wish them luck and happiness... who am I kidding?  I'm not that nice.  He wasn't nice in any of this, why do I need to be?  I'm SO fucking tired of people saying, "be the bigger person".  I don't want to be, and I don't have to be.  He hurt me.  He destroyed anything we had built together or the plans we had made.  He wasted 10 years of my life on a lie - A LIE!  All I was left with was heartache and a mountain of debt when it was all said and done.  Oh - and he immediately left the Speedway chic after our run in....

So, now, I'm 37 (38 in 2 weeks).  I've re-married.  He's an amazing man and I'm very blessed.  I know things happen for a reason.  Greg was meant to be my husband, not assface!  I'm still childless and I probably always will be.  The 10 years I could have been trying to become a mom are gone.  I can't get them back.  I hate him for that.  He's a father now but I'll never know what being a mommy is like.  I know you shouldn't have hate for anyone, but sometimes it can't be helped.  I have forgiven the entire thing, but I'll never forget, even though I've moved on. 

My husband and I have tried fertility.  We started trying immediately after marrying in 2010.  My husband wants a baby with me and will tell anyone who listens.  Hmmm, I guess there is something to be said about marrying an older, more mature man!  We've done 1 round of artificial insemination and the hormones were brutal.  I became a different, HATEFUL person!  Needless to say, it didn't take.  It's an expensive process so I'm not sure how long we'll try or what decisions we'll make.  All I know is, Greg will tell everyone that "I want kids with this beautiful woman and I hope they (more than 1) look just like her".  He gets ahead of himself :-) Ha!

Only time will tell where this journey of ours takes us.  My advice is this, never take anyone, anything or any situation for granted.  It could all end in a blink of an eye.  Most of all, be honest.  If my ex would of came to me and just said he wasn't happy (or whatever the case may be), things may have turned out differently.  We still would have gotten divorced but it didn't have to end so nasty. 

The hardest part of all is seeing your ex out and about with his new family and you're not sure whether to run and hide or simply ignore.  I tend to be the type who can't ignore.  My mouth LOVES to run (hey, I'm working on it).  Am I jealous he has a new family? Not the girlfriend, No. I'm jealous and PISSED OFF that he gets to be a daddy when I feel he robbed me of being a mommy.  In reality, he didn't.  It's not his fault my eggs are retarded.  It's just easier to blame him - LOL.

I could go on and on but you get the gist of my 1st marriage.  I wish my friend all the love and support in the world.  She'll need a shoulder to cry, scream, vent, throw things (or was that just me)? :-)  If it weren't for my family and especially my Best Friend, I wouldn't have made it.  I was in a messed up state for a few months (or a year, but who's keeping track)?! 

Divorce IS like a death.  I mean, the relationship and the marriage HAS died.  You grieve, you cope and deal and move on.  And believe you me, the last half of 2007 SUCKED!  My ex left me July 28th and my brother in law passed away in September!  It was just a horrible time in mine and my families lives. My sister and I were grieving simultaniously and my parents were beside themselves with not 1, but 2 brokenhearted daughters.

NO ONE and I mean NO ONE should ever be blindsided in a relationship, let alone a marriage.  Some of us mean those vows when we say them and we hold them sacred. 

Karma IS in fact the biggest Bitch of them all, so I'm assuming what went around will in fact, go around.  In time...

Til next time...

Bessalina