Did I really just do that?!

After 15 and a 1/2 years, almost to the day, I did something I had wanted to do many times over the last year... I resigned from my job. 

You know what? Best decision I had ever made in my life!! For the first time in years, I wake up anxiety free. That, in itself, tells me that I did the right the thing. 

Don't get me wrong, it's a scary thing to do. I spent from a Thursday evening until 6 a.m. Monday morning running all the scenarios thru my mind. I mean, I was throwing away almost 16 years!! I grew up there essentially. Many of my lifetime milestones happened while working there. 

To be honest, I cried that Thursday evening and I cried that Monday but that's it. No more years have been shed. This is a time for new beginnings. It's a time for me to figure out who I've become and what I want out of life. It's also been a time to reflect. I'm blessed to have had this opportunity to do so. 

If you have to do something 40+ hours a week, shouldn't you at least enjoy it? I miss 2 of my co - workers. We text often and I'm sure they'll be in my life for many years to come. I grateful for their friendships throughout the years :)

Oh... And that moment you KNEW you were right about your boss (of 8 months) being a Bitch... When you say you quit, after almost 16 years of loyalty and service, and the ONLY thing she has to say is - "We need your front door key back". 

;) Good Riddance and Hello new world! 

My Little Slice of Crazy

I can't believe I haven't posted in almost a month and a half. :-(    In my defense (like I need one), I've been pretty busy.  I had a birthday, took a weeks vacation from work, been to numerous doctor appointments with my parents AND my father just came home from the hospital on Saturday. WHEW!!

I know, I know, thats merely life!  I'm not complaining, well, not too much anyway :-)  I'm a great multi-tasker, like most women, there's just not enough hours in the day. 

Like right now for instance.  I'm typing this blog, while updating tickets at work, drinking my coffee, writing my daily to do list with a million things running through my head.  It never ends.  If I weren't busy I wouldn't know what to do with myself.  I don't like a lot of "down time".  I get restless.  Me and "restless" don't go well together! 

In all seriousness, I need a hobby.  Any ideas or suggestions?  I'm not very crafty even though I love it.  I don't have a "lot" of hours to devote to something so I want (need) it to be meaningful.  I don't belong to a church but I've always wanted to sing in a church chior.  I'm talking - Go Big or Go Home kinda church chiors.  Sister Act kinda church chior. :-) Ahhhh

See.... You're getting to know me, little by little.  I hope you like what you read.  I'm not an overly fascinating chic, but I love fierce and I'm full of passion.  I've already said, since the beginning of this journey, that I will be honest (or what's the point) and I will discuss my private life.  I may not go into super private detail, but I'll disclose some personal info, if it better helps you in your understanding of a situation.

I will also answer any questions that YOU may have for me, regarding practically anything.  I'm a pretty open gal <3 although there are certain things that are sacred to me and I won't discuss.  I doubt any of that ever comes into play anyway so it's a moot point.  Ha - I'm full of moot points. :-)

So c'mon - let's chat!  Let's bullshit and let's get down to the nitty gritty!  Hell, we can even do a meet and greet - ask/answer segment once a month or something.  Ideas?

Okay Bitches - I gotta do some work.  Seriously - you can be anonymous - but ASK AWAY!

Game on.......

Til next time....

XO BE

Cheating - 9021OH-OH style

I keep typing a line.  Then I delete the line.  I restart.  I delete.  You get the picture.  There are just so many things I want to talk about and it gets all jumbled!  I am trying to be a nice(ER) person, I really am.  I also know that while I don't know these celebrities personally, I feel like I do.  I read their blogs, their Facebook and Twitter accounts.  I watch their homemade videos on Keek and of course I follow the "news" rags.

Pathetic?  Maybe, but it's what I love.  I want to be Brandi Glanville's BFF! I love her "F*CK OFF" attitude.  Probably because I have one too.  I want you to read and enjoy my blog, but if I offend you - sorry.  It's not intentional - it's just me!  I will NOT alter who I am in my blogs!!  With that being said, if you don't like curse words, etc., you may want to exit and find another blogger :-(

Ok, so I'll begin now.  I detest 2 "celebrities".  I loathe Faye Resnick (I think I've said this before).  I don't want to talk about her right now.  I want to discuss the other woman (aptly titled) , Leann Rimes Cibrian.  I realize she LOVES to sue people so I have to tread somewhat lightly here.  I can state the facts tho! She not only wrecked 1 marriage but 2.  Her interview with Guilanna Rancic made me sick.  Oh woe is me Bitch!  Really??  It wasn't like she didn't know he was married with 2 small boys.  She just didn't care.  She saw something she had to have and she took it - plain and simple.  I understand that it takes two to tango.  I think Eddie Cibrian is a complete dick!  Yes he's hot with those sexy lil dimples but so what?  He's a lying, cheating, housebitch!!  I'll take my chubby, balding hubby over him ANY day of the week!!

I've seen the photos and I read the articles.  Leann does appear to be a tad (once again, treading lightly)obsessed with B (and with good reason)! Brandi will wear and outfit or a bikini and within days Leann is copying the look.  I mean, B's legs go up, Up, UP and Leann's don't.  Leann even copied her hairdo.  Stalker much?? And I just HAVE to say : BONUS MOM MY ASS!!!  While being a step-parent is a rewarding but sometimes difficult job, Leann uses it to hurt Brandi.  She constantly posts pics to her Twitter account, basically taunting B with her own boys!  Subscribe to her Twitter page and you'll see firsthand what I'm talking about.

Brandi's book rocked by the way!  I wonder when Bonus Mom will write a book telling her side of the story - OH, THAT'S RIGHT..... "Spitfire", her new album does that!!  Who needs to write a riveting tell all book when you can yodel your way thru 10 songs??

I am, and always will be, Team Brandi!  I don't have much tolerance for homewreckers. Especially vicicious ones who manipulate.  I've said it before and I'll say it til I take my last breath - Karma IS a Bitch!  Bonus Mom IS getting some karma thrown her way because B's book is a NY Times Bestseller and has been for weeks!!  I don't believe "Spitfire" has even reached the top 10 on iTunes??  Can we say Opening Act/no longer headliner?? Can we say kareoke?  Maybe she can retire at the ripe ole age of 30 to become a vocal coach?!

Anyway - the moral of this bl<3g is that you reap what you sow.  If you don't want your hubby fornicating with the nanny, or with every cocktail waitress in sight, DON'T mess with a married man.  IF THEY CHEAT WWIITTHH YOU..... THEY'LL CHEAT OONN YOU!!  That's just common fucking sense!

Til next time....

Bessalina

 

The EX Factor - The Blindside!

My heart hurts.  Not for me, but for a friend of mine.  This friend isn't in my close circle of friends, but we "chat" frequently (on Facebook) mostly and I've known her for over 20 years.  She's a good girl with a good heart and she got shit on!

I know it's cliche' but it DOES seem that the good ones get screwed, and not always in a good way!  This girl  has 4 beautiful sons and her jackass of a husband for many years decided to leave her the day after Thanksgiving of last year.  Apparently he couldn't keep his dick in his pants over a 49 year old bitch!  I can, and will, call her a bitch because while she wasn't the one my friend was married to, she did know about my friend and their children.  She just didn't care.  She wanted my friends husband and nothing was going to stop her from getting what she wanted.  All the while, my beautiful friend knew NOTHING of this affair.  It had been going on for a while apparently.  She was blindsided.

I bring this topic up to share my story.  I, too, was blindsided.  The only differences in my girlfriends story and my own is, I didn't have any kids, let alone 4 and my EX husband decided to go younger instead of older.  It stings like a bitch no matter how you slice it!

No one truly knows the hurt, anger, disappointment (and all the other adjectives/emotions) one goes thru when they're faced with divorce.  I'm only going to relay MY personal experience and my story.

I was with my ex for a total of 10 years, married almost 5.  We had no kids.  That turned out to be a blessing of sorts.  I would hate to have to deal with him for the rest of my life.  I thought I loved him, but I married him because I was almost 27 years old and all my friends were either already married and having children, or beginning too.  I wanted in on it!  Was I head over heels in love?  No.  I loved the attention he lavished on me and the pedestal he had me on.  Until the ring was on the finger and the vows were read.  Then, the pedestal was removed and I became Bess, wife.  We took each other for granted.  He was almost 8 years younger than me and I should have known the differences between us would ultimately destroy us.  Funny thing is, HE destroyed us, not our differences.  I guess he thought the grass was greener on the other side.  I guess it was in this instance.

Besides our arguing and bickering, like most married couples, I thought things were fine.  I thought WE were fine.  I honestly had no clue that he was THAT unhappy in our marriage.  He never told me and he never gave me any indicators.  True story.  It wasn't that I was blind and just didn't want to see what was before my eyes.  I WAS BLINDSIDED!!!

He left for work one Saturday morning, like normal.  I had a gut feeling something wasn't right.  I couldn't pinpoint it, but I just KNEW something wasn't right.  I took a shower and drove to his job.  I called him from right outside his job (they were closed already for the day) and asked what he was doing, not letting him know I was right outside. I could see his truck from where I was standing!!!  He proceeded to lie to me and tell me that he was putting tires on the truck at that exact moment.  REALLY???? I'm looking right at the damn thing!!  Well, he was holed up in the back office with the chic who worked across the street from him as a clerk at the local Speedway gas station! I tell ya, when he realized he was "caught", he had the whole shocked "OH FUCK" look on his face!  As well as he should have!

Oh, they both swore they were only talking and NOTHING more.  I wasn't born yesterday!  Even if nothing had happened that day, it either already had or they wanted it too.  You could tell.  Needless to say, he moved out that very same night.  July 28 - the EXACT same day he proposed 6 years earlier, is the day our marriage ended.

I grieved over that marriage like a death.  I thought I was a failure.  If only I had done this and not this, etc. etc.  It was over and I had to except it and move on.  After a prescription of Wellbutrin and Clonzepam, I started to feel "normal" again.  Hell, we have to do what we have to do to cope!  I'm not ashamed to admit I needed help!  I don't believe anyone should be!  Mental meds should not be so taboo.  We all need a coping mechanism at times and that was mine.  And it helped! 

Fast forward 5 years later.  My ex husband who once told me "I always wanted kids, just not with you" (IT'S A LINE I WILL NEVER, EVER FORGET) is now a father to twin girls. With a 22 year old girl.  His age difference to her was mine to him.  More power to them!  I wish them luck and happiness... who am I kidding?  I'm not that nice.  He wasn't nice in any of this, why do I need to be?  I'm SO fucking tired of people saying, "be the bigger person".  I don't want to be, and I don't have to be.  He hurt me.  He destroyed anything we had built together or the plans we had made.  He wasted 10 years of my life on a lie - A LIE!  All I was left with was heartache and a mountain of debt when it was all said and done.  Oh - and he immediately left the Speedway chic after our run in....

So, now, I'm 37 (38 in 2 weeks).  I've re-married.  He's an amazing man and I'm very blessed.  I know things happen for a reason.  Greg was meant to be my husband, not assface!  I'm still childless and I probably always will be.  The 10 years I could have been trying to become a mom are gone.  I can't get them back.  I hate him for that.  He's a father now but I'll never know what being a mommy is like.  I know you shouldn't have hate for anyone, but sometimes it can't be helped.  I have forgiven the entire thing, but I'll never forget, even though I've moved on. 

My husband and I have tried fertility.  We started trying immediately after marrying in 2010.  My husband wants a baby with me and will tell anyone who listens.  Hmmm, I guess there is something to be said about marrying an older, more mature man!  We've done 1 round of artificial insemination and the hormones were brutal.  I became a different, HATEFUL person!  Needless to say, it didn't take.  It's an expensive process so I'm not sure how long we'll try or what decisions we'll make.  All I know is, Greg will tell everyone that "I want kids with this beautiful woman and I hope they (more than 1) look just like her".  He gets ahead of himself :-) Ha!

Only time will tell where this journey of ours takes us.  My advice is this, never take anyone, anything or any situation for granted.  It could all end in a blink of an eye.  Most of all, be honest.  If my ex would of came to me and just said he wasn't happy (or whatever the case may be), things may have turned out differently.  We still would have gotten divorced but it didn't have to end so nasty. 

The hardest part of all is seeing your ex out and about with his new family and you're not sure whether to run and hide or simply ignore.  I tend to be the type who can't ignore.  My mouth LOVES to run (hey, I'm working on it).  Am I jealous he has a new family? Not the girlfriend, No. I'm jealous and PISSED OFF that he gets to be a daddy when I feel he robbed me of being a mommy.  In reality, he didn't.  It's not his fault my eggs are retarded.  It's just easier to blame him - LOL.

I could go on and on but you get the gist of my 1st marriage.  I wish my friend all the love and support in the world.  She'll need a shoulder to cry, scream, vent, throw things (or was that just me)? :-)  If it weren't for my family and especially my Best Friend, I wouldn't have made it.  I was in a messed up state for a few months (or a year, but who's keeping track)?! 

Divorce IS like a death.  I mean, the relationship and the marriage HAS died.  You grieve, you cope and deal and move on.  And believe you me, the last half of 2007 SUCKED!  My ex left me July 28th and my brother in law passed away in September!  It was just a horrible time in mine and my families lives. My sister and I were grieving simultaniously and my parents were beside themselves with not 1, but 2 brokenhearted daughters.

NO ONE and I mean NO ONE should ever be blindsided in a relationship, let alone a marriage.  Some of us mean those vows when we say them and we hold them sacred. 

Karma IS in fact the biggest Bitch of them all, so I'm assuming what went around will in fact, go around.  In time...

Til next time...

Bessalina

Then and Now : A "weighty" issue....

Let me start by saying that "weight" can be such a controversial topic.  We teach our kids that eating the wrong foods and laziness leads to obesity.  I DETEST the word obesity!! If you don't fit into the medical mold, they label you NOT just obese (because that word isn't UGLY enough already) BUT now you're called MORBIDLY OBESE!!  Morbid, really??

Here is the medical definition of morbid : morbidity /mor·bid·i·ty/ (mor-bid´it-e). 1. a diseased condition or state.

So being fat is a disease?  Not everyone who is overweight is unhealthy! I weighed in at a whopping 300 pounds just 2 years ago and I was healthy.  I did not have diabetes, high blood pressure OR bad choloesterol.  These things MAY have happened in the future, had I not lost weight.  I MAY win the lottery if I buy a ticket.  I MAY get hit by a bus crossing the street.  One never knows, see what I'm saying?

I've had weight issues my entire life.  I'll be 38 in June.  2 years ago I begin losing the weight I had accumulated over 35 years.  I have lost 100 pounds to date.  Am I proud? Hell yes! I recommend everyone to get healthy.  I just really hate that young girls today put so much emphasis on the NUMBER on the scale, instead of how they feel. Not only do I blame tv, celebrities and the models in the mags basically calling you a fat ass if you wear over a size 6, but I blame the damn doctors who go by that damn guideline stating that if you're 5'6" you should weigh no more than 145 pounds (I'm exaggerating here).  I am 5'6" and I can tell you that if I weighed 145 pounds, I would look sickly. 

As it is now, I think my face is too thin.  I look a little guant at times.  I liked my chubbier, fuller face.  It was me.  I almost feel like a shell now.  Yes, it feels great to not wear a 4X anymore.  It feels fabulous that my husband now weighs more than me :-)
Do I have more energy?  Not really.  I think I'm more self conscious now than I was when I was heavier.  I wonder why that is? 

BEFORE, I was a social butterfly who was constantly out and about.  AFTER, I'm more of a homebody who social networks thru my computer.  You would think the scenerios would be reversed.  Maybe if I had lost the weight years ago it may be different. 

I would love to open this conversation up and dig deep.  I'll answer any questions to the best of my ability and I'll do so honestly.  If I wanted to hide, then I wouldn't blog. 

Here is a "before and after" pic.  See the difference in the face??

Believe me, I'm not complaining.  I'm grateful & proud.  I would love to help anyone out there with advice, an ear to listen or I can be your biggest cheerleader (no pun intended)....

Til next time....

❤xx BE

Mayhem & Sadness

Hmmm ... and my husband wonders why I hate the news.

Very rarely do you see a feel good story. Instead you see this shit. I don't get it. I'm sure no one else does either. I have 3,19 year old nephews and I looked at them today and I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with a range of emotions. I couldn't fathom my "babies" doing something so unimaginable. Something so heinous.

Then I got to thinking of the bombers parents. I saw the father on the news. I heard the mother's translated phone call. If they had no clue, and I don't believe they did, imagine their shock. Imagine their horror and pain. I get the impression that these parents didn't really know their boys at all.

Then I asked myself , Why would you flee YOUR country to find safety and freedom only to show your thanks by blowing up a piece of MINE?? Then I get angry. When I see that sweet, sweet little boys face on the tv, I get angry. When I see that they couldn't be satisfied with only hurting people at the race BUT then had to continue their reign of terror on us - I get pissed!!

Then I have a glass of wine. I think about the family members and I feel sad. Sad for the entire situation. Sad for so many lives lost. Sad for their family. Sad for all the injured, innocent runners & watchers. Sad for America. Again.

Til next time..

❤xx BE

To go or not to go? That is the question!

I went to my 5 year ... I went to my 10 year ... I skipped out on my 15 ... And now it's time for the milestone ~~ My 20 year high school reunion is this year - WTF?!??! and when did I get this old??

I'm still debating on whether or not I will attend. Honestly, If it weren't for 'Myspace' (does anyone still use this??) "Twitter" & "Facebook", I wouldn't even know where these people are or what they're doing. Just because you're "friends" with someone on FB, does NOT mean you're friends in the true sense of the word! I believe that sometimes people confuse this invisible line. A Facebook friend does not always equal a Real-Life friend. Someone "liking" a status update or a picture doesn't necessarily make one a "friend". It could mean that they're being polite or that they're just nosy (like me) :-)

I loved high school. Is that weird?? I had a great high school experience. Good times and now, great memories. 20 years later & we are all really merely acquaintances. People we once knew. Or just someone we went to high school with.

I'm fortunate. I'm still best friends with my high school bestie <3 Believe you me, the Biotch knows toooooo much ;) UNFORTUNATELY (j/k) (or am I ;)?) smartie tart graduated a year early or she'd be going right along with me!! She's the one who gave me my nickname, Bessalina!

There are both pros and cons to attending this reunion. PRO ~ seeing people I genuinely want to see CON ~ seeing people I genuinely never want to see again PRO ~ showing off my 100 pound weight loss ( Hey, I can brag a bit ) CON ~ people asking me how many kids I have ( sensitive subject) , etc etc etc.

So as I end this bl<3g I still don't know of I'm going to bite the bullet and RSVP or if I'm going to sit & wait for the Facebook pics to start rolling in showcasing the wonderful evening, all the while laughing with my high school and lifelong best friend, Angelina.

Til next time...

❤xx BE

Oh what to write about?

I have to admit.. My 2nd post is intimidating me. What do I write about? How do I transition smoothly (while being a- witty/funny or b- sarcastic) from one topic to the next??

I was a blogger virgin until a couple of weeks ago. So I've done a lil research. I've looked at others. Some wrote about their personal lives and various life journeys while others write about celebrities and what have you. I want to write about it all!

I want to talk about my personal journeys. Got married at 27 to be divorced at 33 and remarried at 35. 1st marriage was a complete disaster - from the start. I wasted many years on that relationship to walk away with nothing but debt. Sure I've had break ups in the past. They hurt. Blah blah blah. Nothing compares to the pain of a divorce (other than a death). I guess divorce is a death in a sense.

I wouldn't have made it through that horrible time if it weren't for my best friend - Ang <3. She was my rock and my support. I am a very lucky lady. I come from an amazing family. I have 3 fabulous sisters. I'm blessed to still have BOTH my parents with me. I have loads of beautiful nieces and nephews. And we're all close. We all still live in the same city. Close I tell ya!:)

They say that everything happens for a reason and what's meant to be will be. I believe that. If that marriage hadn't ended, then I wouldn't be where I'm supposed to be. With my husband of 2 1/2 years, Greg. Sure, marriage isn't easy.. but nothing worth anything ever is.

Til next time ~~ S*M*I*L*E

❤ xx Bessalina

Am I doing this right?!

I'm officially a "Blogger"!! I've been wanting to attempt this feat for a couple of years now, but it always seemed to far-fetched an idea for me.  Since this is my very 1st EVER (did I mention that) blog, I thought I would tell you about me :-)

My name is Bessie but I answer to Bess, Bessalina, Gigi, Bitch, etc. :-) I've been at my same (BORING) job for over 15 years.  I'm 37, almost 38 and have lived in Cincinnati my entire life.  I love it here and I'm VERY proud of my city!  HUGE Cincinnati Reds fan!! As of today, Chris Heisey #28 is my guy but that changes on occasion (when a new cutie comes to town)! LOL :-)  I'm on my 2nd (AND FINAL) marriage! My husbands name is Greg and while we have no children, we do have 2 dogs (who are our babies) and an iguana who thinks she IS a dog too!  Zeus (white shepherd/husky mix) who is 11 ; Jasper (black pomeranian) he was a resue and not quite sure of his age & Lizzie the Iguana who is about 3. 

I won't divulge everything about myself in my very 1st blog - I want to leave a little to the imagination.  Plus I figure that over time, you'll probably learn FAR too much about me anyway!

I will talk about Reality tv - ALOT.  Please don't be surprised or shocked if you hear Brandi (B), Lisa (Pinky) or Yolanda (Yo) appear on this page frequently.  I love RHOBH and those 3 ladies.  I detest Faye Resnick and will probably say so often.  I don't watch (and have never seen an single epi) of Teen Mom 1, 2, 3 or 30 but I am fascinated with the lives of Jenelle Evans (Rodgers) and Courtland.  Throw in Gary Head and Jade Dolph and we have some DRAMA up in here!  Watching these people air their WAY too dirty laundry on Twitter keeps me coming back for more.  Their lives are seriously a soap opera - bed hopping every other week, etc.  Jenelle was with Gary but married Courtland who was accused of beating her and causing her miscarriage a month after they married.  She immediately left Courtland to return to Gary's arms (while he pushed the "love of his life" Jade to the curb) only to want her back after Jenelle went into rehab! Whew - I could go on and on and on.....

I guess this wasn't too bad for a 1st blog, was it?? I can only hope to get better with each entry.  Tonight is the season finale of RHOBH AND part 1 of the reunion show - SUPER EXCITED!! I'll have loads to say I'm sure :-)

I am a VERY personable gal, so please feel free to talk to me.  Ask me questions or just share whatever you'd like! I'm looking forward to sharing some gossip and good girlie talk :-) I promise - I won't ONLY talk about tv.  I'll share my personal stories as well as make up I love, hairstyles, etc.  I'm a HUGE Pinterest chic!

You can follow me on:
 Twitter : bessieeversole
Pinterest: Bessie Eversole
Facebook: Bessie George Eversole
Keek: BessieEversole

Until next time...

xx BE